Monday, April 18, 2011

My Mother-In-Law is RUINING my marriage.

Alright, so here we go... I will just come out with it. My MIL is ruining my marriage and I am f--king sick of it. To give you a little background, my husband and I used to live on the opposite side of the country. When that was the case, things were nice. I used to talk to my MIL almost daily when I was at work thanks to yahoo instant messenger about anything and everything... what the hell happened? Here is the short list:

1) We actually got married
2) Her "angel" of a son committed an indiscretion (something in her words he could NEVER do)
3) We moved not only to the same state, but into her house while looking for a place to call our own, oh and I was 8 months pregnant at the time... this probably proved to be the biggest mistake of them all

Short background, husband is the only child of an only child aka 'The Pride and Joy', he joined the military fresh out of high school and for the past six years lived either across the country or across two oceans.

Well once we moved in things started going terribly wrong. She still saw my husband as the only child and failed to recognize that he is married and that she isn't the one and only in his life anymore. She literally called us 5-10 times a day at least to check in on what we were doing, it became a joke, if he didn't answer his phone, she would call mine, if we didn't answer that, she would call the house phone. That was probably the first point of contention.

She had to be involved in everything that we did and it got old REALLY fast. Everything that happened in the house suddenly became our fault, her air conditioning breaking, a 50+ yr old knob coming lose, her plastic outdoor furniture becoming scraped... absolutely crazy things, and as you can imagine getting blamed for everything also gets old rrrreeaaaalllly fast.

Life became about her, if I was tired (remember I was very pregnant at this time) and didn't feel like going shopping with her, in her eyes it meant I hated her, not that I was pregnant and swollen cow who wanted to stay off her feet and nap. This drove a huge wedge in between my husband and myself because guess what... he became concerned about making his mother happy and some how and in some way I apparently need bend over backwards to make her happy and make her feel loved and important... and excuse me for being rude but I WAS PREGNANT, I think my wellbeing and comfort is a little more important running from store to store to store when I don't want to.

There is obviously more to it, but you get the point, our marriage has three people in it.

I don't know if it is a difference of how I was raised (I am one of five children of parents that are 1 of 4 and 1 of 5) or what but everything his mother does has started to irk me.

  • She says rude things to me and I am supposed to brush it off, my husband never comes to my defense, and out of respect I don't really say anything (apparently she is really sensitive and everything I do hurts her feelings anyway, and I am the only one who is not allowed to be sensitive)
  • She see's my daughter as HER granddaughter, not my daughter- so apparently when we are around her, what she wants goes and what I think doesn't matter... at least according to her and my husband... MORE on that later
  • Sadly, I have grown to not like her and to resent being around her, and trust me, this is something I want to change, just not sure how yet
  • 95% of the fights my husband and I have, have something or in some way involve her

I know I can not possibly be the only one with these issues, but I am at my wits ends... does anyone else have this problem? What works for other people???


  1. I realize this post is over 2 years old, but I'm desperately wondering what happened and how you worked through this.
    I swear, we married the SAME man. (He's the only, of a single mom - I'm one of 3 from parents of 4 and 5, my daughter is HER baby, and everything EVERYTHING is about her... I almost feel like "the other woman"...
    I'm not sure ill ever even figure out how to get back to this site... But if you want to share your outcome - or just vent! - I'm more than open. I'm dying to find someone

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